Protect innocent, law-abiding citizens from such scum as pickpockets, triads and property cartels. Clean the sewers every six months. That’s all they need to do, and they’ve only mastered the second bit. But no, not even all the Rohypnol in Wanchai will cure the Hong Kong Government of its hyperactive meddling in matters beyond its remit, even if we assume the Standard’s exclusive about additional taxpayers’ subsidies for Disney is a joke.
After badgering Beijing for yet another favour in the form of privileged access to Mainland portfolio capital, our administration is left looking helpless as Premier Wen Jiabao announces, in effect, that it won’t happen. Since truly free flows of Chinese funds into the Hong Kong stock market are not possible without making the Renminbi a fully convertible currency – a decade or more away in all likelihood – this should come as little surprise. But people see what they want to see, especially when it has the blessing and authority of such eminent figures as the Financial Secretary and the Monetary Authority boss behind it, and the result has been an officially sanctioned bubble.
“After I’ve finished searching your bags for Rohypnol,” I tell the Filipino elves as they report for duty, “you can wrap Winky’s Christmas present.” It is never too early to get tiresome yuletide chores out of the way, and this one leapt off the bookstore shelf and into my face screaming “buy me now!” For the high-flying civil servant who has everything – a history of Administrative Officers.
The cover of Governing Hong Kong by Steve Tsang shows one Sir Ronald Holmes. Did he find the silly dress uniform uncomfortable on the day he had his photo taken? Or had eaten something that didn’t agree with him? As if that’s not alluring enough, there’s the dust jacket blurb…
The British administration of Hong Kong uniquely derived its practices from the best traditions of Imperial Chinese government and its philosophical, Confucian basis.
Maybe it was oysters.
Wed, 7 Nov
As the future heir to the family company and his father’s slot in the hierarchy of Hong Kong’s plutocratic establishment, the simple-minded fruit of our Chairman’s loins is being groomed. It is a well-trodden route. Another two or three seats on committees to provide face and a record of public service, Young Person of the Year Award, naming (helped by some groveling from his dad) as a Justice of the Peace, a photographed handshake in the Great Hall of the People with a moderately senior user of black hair dye, a Silver Bauhinia Star, a seat on a grand commission tasked with solving every problem existing in Hong Kong – another ‘elite’ is born.
“Oh God,” I say as I turn the letter over to check the sender’s name, “it must be a…”
I point to it. Number-One Son looks and says, “a gwaipo.” He blinks a bit. “My father says I should write back and be polite.”
Thurs, 8 Nov
Wild American friend Odell and I were privileged to visit Molly Bloom’s Authentic Irish Pub in Lan Kwai Fong yesterday evening, to inspect the many traditional Hibernian delights on offer, such as Budweiser, nachos, televised baseball and entertaining Hong Kong Chinese staff. At one point we watched a newly hired, plump waitress in her early 20s struggling with a plastic bottle of glass cleaner in order to polish the mirrors that line the wall. She squeezed the trigger but nothing came out. After much fiddling with the nozzle, she ejected a squirt of foam, then awkwardly wiped the surface in small circles with a paper tissue, pausing frequently to remove obstacles on the shelf below. She had obviously never done anything like it in her life. The entertainment continued when she was given the job of cleaning up some spilled beer on the floor. She laid a tissue out on the little puddle and padded it down with her shoe, then picked it up by a dry corner, leaving most of the liquid behind. A more experienced colleague arrived with a mop.
One of Odell’s low-life friends, John-with-tattoos, was also looking on. “Incredible. I bet her family has a maid, and she’s never cleaned anything. Also…” He lowered his voice a bit. “…like all the staff here, she doesn’t smile and keeps vanishing whenever you want anything. I mean, why don’t they hire Filipinos?” Why, he asked in essence, do they employ sullen, miserable Hongkongers who find it humiliating to serve customers when for the same price – probably less – you can get eager, friendly Manilans or Cebuanos who actually seem to have fun?
And this morning, the answer strikes me. The pub is one of the chain of plastic cookie-cutter themed establishments run by the LKF Group. And that’s run by Allan Zeman – who is also a fully signed up member of the Hong Kong Federation of Government Toady Billionaires. He serves on the usual array of committees and boards. To quote a bio…
In addition to his many business interests, Allan contributes much of his time to public service in Hong Kong. Allan has been appointed by the Hong Kong government as a member of the Tourism Strategy Group (TSG) for the Hong Kong Tourism Commission, the International Events Fund (IEF) Steering Committee for the Hong Kong Tourism Board, the Cultural and Heritage Commission (CHC) and the U.R.A. (Urban Renewal Authority). Also he is appointed as a member of the Services Promotion Strategy Group (SPSG) chaired by the Financial Secretary. Allan is also on the Board of HK Arts Festival and HK Community Chest.
The Chief Executive has appointed Allan as a JP (Justice of the Peace) on 1st July, 2001.
A ripple of exhilaration reverberates from the lofty towers of Conduit Road, through Perpetual Opulence Mansions and down to, but not including, Hollywood Road, as the voters of Mid-Levels East Constituency receive their polling cards for the exciting District Council Elections to be held on 18 November. Were we residents of the grimy, rat-infested area of Chung Wan further downhill, we would have these two specimens to choose between…
Her opponent is a 40-year-old Independent called Jackie Cheung (not to be confused with the Cantopop star Jacky, whose rapid hiring and firing of domestic helpers at one stage led Philippine Airlines to offer special two-day-one-night packages on the Manila-Hong Kong route). Also a lawyer, Jackie is more interested in practical things like transport and traffic. While sensible, this will not endear him to the area’s nouveaux-riches, who regard driving their fat child 300 yards down narrow streets to piano lessons in an eight-seater, luxury minibus as their God-given right.
