Diary entries - 6
Not the South China Morning Post

Dear gentle readers,

Yes, isn’t it FABULOUS DARLINGS, Patsy is back in town.   One had to get away from the hand over hype and go to FABULOUS Macau for the weekend.  Hurrah, hurrah, bloody hurrah I hear you say !

Macau, oh yes the Portugese colony not a million miles away from this ex British Crown Colony - a mere 60 minutes by fast boat and there you are in the bustling metropolis of this vibrant Portugese colony where Bollie and Stollie are sold at far more reasonable prices that here in Honkers.

Whilst the majority of the scene decided to get out of the former colony and arrive back in the motherland during the handover, there were certain naff people who decided to remain in Honkers and sample the carnal delights of locals dressed as school girls/ boys in the Wanchai district.
Poor Patsy had to travel on the Jet Foil service - not a hint of  Bollie or Stollie on that ‘service ‘ more like snot and gob.   Whereas your FABULOUS columnist normally prefers to travel on the Turbo Cat where at least you are lead to believe that you would be able to get a quick guzzle of Stollie to fortify you during the ride over.   Talking of rides …. Oops I mustn’t.

I digress.   Isn’t Macau so FABULOUS darlings?   I mean to say Fernandos never fails to impress with their reasonably priced food and cheap plonk, well what else do we all go there for?  Well except for the delicious clone who minces around attempting to palm you off with his roast chicken.

We, spent a ABSOLUTLY divine afternoon at the ‘Bella Vista hotel overlooking Milton Keynes by the sea - FABULOUS.   The food is soooo exquisite, and the waiters are sooo pleasant and good looking.    Soooo much better than these surely people we have here in this ex British Crown Colony.   One must go back - again !

Of course we had our obligatory visitor from overseas with us which meant a quick trip to the market square for a quick photo opportunity, then onto the market proper for a few cheap CDs and then what, hmmmmm   maybe more booze sweetie darlings !  No Harrods or Harvey Nics in this town sweeties.

Then back to Bella Vista for a few more Stollies and Bollies  before the dreaded trip back to the motherland - the ‘middle kingdom’ - more like the bloody ages Sweetie Darlings.  

Isn’t it FABULOUS to watch the natives getting off ships, trains, MTR’s, Lifts and the like ?    Have you ever gone to the Patsy school of observation and observed the physic of these people as they get out of the aforementioned places ?   Next time one goes to Macau look at the debarkation procedures :-

1.  When the ship is within 20 minutes of docking, get out of your seat and head towards the door.
2.  Spit, pick your nose, rub crotch, look important for the next 20 minutes.
3.  Once the gangplank is lowered - squat and then duck run up the passage way (oohh yes please ) to the immigration counter - wait, wait, wait wait and wait until it is your turn. 
4.  Get out of immigration and then dawdle along at your normal ‘pace’