Diary entries - 14
Not the South China Morning Post

Dear Gentle Readers,

Well yet another week has gone by Sweetie Darlings in this fabulous metropolis of ours with the sun shinning, the birds twittering ,  the blossoms are blooming, the men wearing shorts and your dear columnist still missing out on the vitals of life, but not for the wont of trying.

Last weekend my German liebchen  mit grosse schlange (but that’s a different story) went a beach combing on beautiful Lantau Island with a bottle of Stolly in one hand and Bolly in the other.   Little did either know how long Cheung Sha Beach is. 

We arrived at the fairy terminal at Mui Wo to see a mass of people mincing around, gorgeous looking Dads, single men with their LBFM’s in tow and a couple of lonely old poofs (I.e. us !)    The bus ride was a pleasant experience being squeezed into a 1940’s bus with 129 other people….. your dear columnist loves this sort of travel arrangement as it allows oneself to go frottaging.   If you plan your entry into the bus at the critical time, you may be lucky to get behind that drop dead gorgeous man and rub your crotch into his tight little buns all the way to your destination !!!   Oh bliss.  The trouble is sometimes you come off the bus with a little damp spot.

Anyway there we were in the wilderness not quite knowing which bus stop to alight at when we notice a couple of local mincing queens pushing the buzzer…. We decided that this must be the stop.     Off we get and take off out heels and put on some sensible shoes,   i.e. Jandals.

We minced our way along the desolate beach..   not a single poof in sight, how disappointing, even a hideous one of us would have been a sign of encouragement.
On we plowed towards the very end of Cheung Sha beach , past the cottage ( or as my German friend calls them… die klappe)  and thence to ‘Baybylon’ .   My German friend was adamant, as only Germans can be, that there would NEVER be a gay hotel, or establishment , in the vicinity.  I took a bet with him which involved the looser doing a certain thing to the winners anatomy.      I won, even he had to admit that the waiter dressed in my old aunties sort of curtaining material with a boa feather stuck to his head was a fairly tell tale sign of campness !!!   I won the bet , thankfully.   The trip to Babylon was hardly worth the effort, I mean a couple of beached Lesbians outside the place didn’t get either of us in the mood for rampant sex.

What, however, did get us in the mood for sex was the house adjacent to babylon.  My sharp beady little eyes picked out a rainbow flag being used as a curtain on this particular house, gaydar was then set on ultra-fine.    Sure enough we were treated to seeing three drop deadish sorts of ex-pats in this particular house.     Well my dear readers, patsy almost dropped her womb !!!  The excitement was too much and I came over in hot flushes.      We noticed one particular beau doing a very butch thing with a bit of steel and a drill….. needless to say the other two queens ‘helping’ him  were far too busy baking a soufflé .

From all of that excitement we just had to get away and lie on a quite part of the beach…. Well to be honest the whole beach was quite… we were the only ones there !

After an hour or two, just enough to look like two lobsters, we minced our way towards Tung Fuk   ( a place name which I just love to mis -pronounciate)  to my favourite restaurant.    On the way we stumbled upon a vision, a vision that your dear columnist just wasn’t allowed to introduce myself to as we were running late to meet up with friends at said restaurant.   Oh well, there is always next weekend and who ever that NYM was on Cheung Sha beach, Sunday 9th Nov., please drop me a line via NSCMP, you will not be disappointed.

Just thinking about this sort of bulletin board dear Ed, why don’t we have a board similar to that in HK Magazine? You know the type of thing I’m talking about, boy wants girl, girl wants boy, school girl wants anything, boyz meet boyz, whales needs whales etc etc….. there could be some mileage in it you know and we could charge a small fee which would help pay for the transport costs going to these journalists live interviews which we all must attend once a week ( a little plug, not intended as a pun, for you there George !) 

Just to finish, I must say how disappointed I am with all of you this past week.   The american navy was in town and not one of you ‘phoned me up to let me know - thanks a lot, I know who my friends are from now on.   Surely there are enough of them to go around the few of us ?

Anyway, up and up em and keep it safe