Life Cycle of
the Expat Housewife in Hong Kong
|Advice to newly arrived expatriate men, as related to banker friend Tim a long time ago...
The life-cycle of the expat wife in Hong Kong consists of the following, well-documented stages:
1. Goes to Hollywood Rd and buys antique wooden chests of drawers designed to store small quantities of herbal medicines, and useful for nothing else.
2. Starts buying expensive and dull-looking antique silk dresses to hang on the wall.
3. Opens an interior design business or art gallery, which loses husband money.
4. Dabbles in tea-tree oil, crystals, reflexology, channelling, matters Ayurvedic and other cretinous New Age junk.
5. Starts going to the Mainland to rescue maltreated animals from zoos, circuses and markets.
6. Adopts an abandoned baby girl from a dilapidated Mainland orphanage. Gives the child a Chinese name so she can stay in touch with her infanticidal cultural heritage.
7. Consumed by loathing for her own pasty, big-boned frame, attacks the dusky, lithe domestic helper with a knife (this happens earlier if your wife thinks you are sleeping with the maid).
Being in the office or away on business, you’ll hardly notice most of this, but you should be warned.