Correction: no-one at all will be happy with the result

Carrie ‘Dead on Arrival’ Lam concludes her reluctant, badly simulated and timid-verging-on-fearful campaign for Hong Kong’s Chief Executive quasi-election. The by-invitation-only rigged poll takes place Sunday. A police spokesman ventures to suggest that ‘it is possible some people will be unhappy with the result’. For extra added ominous foreboding doom, the heavens will darken and the city will be deluged with freezing storms and an outbreak of bubonic pustules.

Carrie’s last message to Her People in newspaper ads today repeats an earlier theme: ‘By resolving the simpler, less controversial issues first, we can rebuild mutual trust’. Does she really believe this? It is absurd to think lack of consensus is a cause rather than effect of problems. And the problems that cause the discontent are big and, apparently, difficult. And the lack of ‘trust’ is ultimately not between factions within Hong Kong but between China’s Communist one-part regime and the pluralistic city as a whole (including its pro-Beijing shoe-shiners).

That mistrust extends to the incompetent local governments that Beijing insists on installing. Carrie will hit the ground failing – lacking not only vision or hope, but any shred of legitimacy. No-one wants Carrie Lam as Chief Executive (including Carrie Lam).

I declare the weekend open with an amusing game. A group of mentally deranged people propose to use 80 hectares (23 Taikoo Shings) of Hong Kong land to build a car-racing circuit. (To attract tourists, but that sort of goes without saying. Is it tourism that causes lunacy, or the other way round?)

Car-racing, also known for mystical reasons as ‘Formula 1’, is a bit like golf, in that it is boring and pointless, and attracts a following of fans to match. Golfers’ one saving grace is that they are 14.7 times more likely than average humans to be struck by lightning. Racing drivers occasionally crash and explode into smithereens. But both these events, tragically, occur far too rarely to rescue the sports from their extreme tedium. (Most synaptically functional people would surely find watching Ng On-yee’s recent 9 hours 30 minutes snooker triumph more stimulating.)

The game is: Think Up an Even Bigger Waste of Hong Kong Space. (Not including golf courses, which already exist.) The first prize will be 3,071 left-over copies of Carrie Lam’s manifesto found flapping in the fragrant breeze of Tseung Kwan O landfill.


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16 Responses to Correction: no-one at all will be happy with the result

  1. Not Irving says:

    And the answer is: Carrie Lam!

  2. LRE says:

    I think to say lack of consensus is either cause or effect of problems basically is to play into the CPCs nonsense.

    The overriding truth is there is no lack of consensus: the vast majority hate being ruled by mainland numpties. Of course the CPC don’t want to hear that consensus as this massively off-message of us.

    Ironically when the powers-that-be talk of a lack of consensus what they really mean is that they would like to return to a pre-handover consensus where 85% of the population didn’t give a stuff about politics. Again they can’t be honest about this either because it is massively off-message of them.

    So they like to play up any lack of consensus — and the only real split lies in how to deal with the central problem of the unwanted CPC being in power: 55% think we should tell them to get stuffed, whilst 40% reckon that if we’re very quiet and don’t open the curtains they might go away and leave us alone. 4% pretend to welcome our new communist overlords in the hope of a continued fat payout until they can retire somewhere far away from the CPC idiots. 1% are true believers — every city has its idiots.

    As to thinking up a bigger waste of space than Michael Tien it’s tough (because a voice inside my head keeps shouting “Ronny Tong”) but…
    How about Spaceport Hong Kong, at a cheeky 7,500 hectares to outclass rival Spaceport America by 200 hectares?
    Cast your eyes down all those ticks on the HK Government erection checklist: Copying the US just like those brilliant food trucks! Think of all those science & innovation hubs it can house! And the space tourists! And all that lovely, lovely concrete! And a forth runway! And the Cathay Galactic first class lounge “It’s out of this world” – Boom! Boom!

  3. Walter De Havilland says:

    More horse racing venues, we need at least three more!

  4. Big Al says:

    An “outbreak of bubonic pustules”? Surely you aren’t referring to our DAB comrades in the Election Committee? That would be a little harsh!
    Regarding the quiz, I’d suggest Disneyland … oh, wait …
    (late 40s but not for long …)

  5. reductio says:

    “No wait, there’s been a mistake. This is not a joke….See the card says CE HONG KONG JOHN TSANG. I’m sorry Carrie…John? John? Where are you? Come on up! Wow, what a day folks!”

  6. Alexander Luedi says:

    Golf – for the weekend

    The danger of playing too much golf is that your brain may end up the size of a golf ball.
    Counters my avid golf playing friend: “Thaat biiig ??”

  7. Chinese Netizen says:

    Have a lovely weekend, People of Hong Kong!

  8. Stephen says:

    I disagree – She does want to be CE. In her hermitically sealed sycophantic world, complete with a mostly muzzled press, this former Head Prefect, who cried when she came second in a test and is complete with lashing of religious fervour, honestly believes that she’s entitled to the number one position and will do a spunking good job. One thing that is clear is it won’t last.

  9. Car racing circuit? That must be the Stanley police van heading to Stanley Plaza, all of 200 metres from the station, to pick up constabulary lunch boxes, passing a dozen delinquent double yellow parkers and another dozen idling engines on the way. Not to worry though. They put their flashing lights on.

    Mind how you go.

  10. Real Fax Paper says:

    And what if this is all a ruse, or alternatively, the Epoch Times posit of a factional fight up in Beijing? What if, for whichever reason (ruse or Xi stepping in and overriding the Liaison Office) the word goes out to the rubber stamp committee on Sunday that they must vote for Pringles? Why, such rejoicing! Such happiness! The sheer relief of salvation from CY 2.0! Instead, we have the People’s Choice, beloved of Facebook and Maker of Memes, Johnny Tsang!

    But. Actually… he’s not exactly Mr Ideas, is he? I mean, he’s not even been a particularly capable FS. Gets his sums wrong. Terrified of making waves, thoroughly disinterested in upsetting the tycoon apple cart. In fact, now we get over our excitement and calm down a bit, we remember that we’ve always thought of him as really part of the problem. Oh, balls. This is Donald Duck, or Tung all over again, isn’t it? The same old mess as always.

    And a voice will whisper gently on the wind down from Beijing: “but, Hong Kongers. Isn’t this the One you wanted? The One you adored? Why, look, the opinion polls all said so. The Facebook likes! The crowds of adoring fans at Taikoo Place! We gave you all you wanted! We listen. We care. Now shut up, the lot of you, and get back your miserable lives.”

    The outcome will be another CE who doesn’t dare say boo to a Beijing roast goose, with on-paper legitimacy that wouldn’t even have been achieved had the 2014 political reform been forced through.

    I doubt that this will have been the plan all along, if it comes to pass; probably a blend of opportunistic ruse arising from the Epoch Times Xi vs Jiang scenario. But I think we need to brace ourselves for at least the possibility that we have been owned, and owned good.

    Or it’ll be Carrie and I can stop worrying that anyone in Beijing is capable of such Machiavellian creative genius.

  11. FB3 says:

    The article in the SCMP says this site is not suitable for residential due to noise from the airport but its further away from the airport than Tung Chung (??)

  12. LRE says:

    @Real Fax Paper
    To point out that John Tsang is pretty useless or Carrie is unpopular is to miss the big picture: the CE’s personality is irrelevant as they personally make absolutely no mark whatsoever on Hong Kong in reality.

    You could have a badly shaved chimp or a cardboard cutout as CE, for all the difference it would make — they have no power, and they’re not in charge. As the “hotdogs” of Civic Passion pointed out last year: the whole “Anyone But CY” call is foolish nonsense because ultimately, Anyone Is CY.

  13. Real Fax Paper says:

    @LRE, with due respect, you’re missing my point. What I was trying to highlight was the fact that, should he be anointed, Beijing will for the first time have a badly shaved chimp *with what looks like a popular mandate* which they can then wave in our faces for the next five years while trampling all over us. You can imagine the international press now, can’t you? “John Tsang was overwhelmingly the popular choice for CE, but has caused some controversy recently…” Best smoke and mirrors ever, at just the point where much of the pretence had begun to fall away.

  14. dimuendo says:

    Real fax paper, LRE

    Agree with real fax. Of the glib superficial incompetent one and the head prefect I suspect I prefer the latter.

    Of the appalling “choice” my vote if I had one would go to Woo. At least he comes from a different sheltered background and has said a few things that are vaguely progressive as well I suspect to be the only one of the three who might even try to take a fight on somethig to Beijing.

  15. Mary Melville says:

    Tien is also a fan of the proposal to trash our parks and convert them to shopping malls.
    If Sunny Bay is not suitable for housing, a rather amusing comment considering that every park, playing ground, sports field, green belt and country park is being considered for rezoning, then the best use of the Sunny Bay site would surely be a home for The Incinerator. Access by road, far more convenient location than Shek Kwu Chau and construction costs could be halved.
    Any pong would be disguised by the cloying Disney Parfum.

  16. Donny Almond says:

    I used to know a Mary Melville who was the mamasan in Bottom’s Up in TST circa late 70s.

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